Script Short — Sacred Relic
I wrote this little piece for a comedy writing class I took with the IFP. It was a good class and I enjoyed learning from veteran comedian Bill Corbett. I call this SACRED RELIC.
INT. APARTMENT – EVENING
ROB, A young hipster, bustles about his apartment setting out
fancy place settings while the latest track from OBSCURE
INDIE ROCK BAND plays, on vinyl, of course.
He reverently opens a first century wooden box where a
certain goblet-shaped object is conspicuously missing from
its velvet liner.
ROB
(cursing to himself)
Broady!
Rob marches to the neighboring apartment where the sounds of
NFL football blare from the television. Rob raps sharply on
the door.
After several moments, a tall, shaggy haired dude holding an
early first century chalice answers the door.
BROADY
Rob. Hey dude, I’m watching the
game. You wanna come in?
ROB
No, Broady. Is that my cup of
Christ?
Broady checks the goblet innocently.
BROADY
Uh yeah, I borrowed it. That’s
cool right?
ROB
That’s the original cup used by our
Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ at
the last supper. Not only is it
completely priceless, but it’s one
of the most holy, sacred relics in
Christendom. And you’re drinking
beer from it?
BROADY
Yeah. It keeps your brew cold,
like, forever man.
Broady takes a swig.
BROADY (CONT’D)
You wanna try some?
ROB
No. I do not want to try some.
Broady, I need that back. Right
now.
BROADY
Sorry dude, I all my dishes were
dirty, man.
ROB
Well, you can’t just take the cup
our Lord used on the night he was
betrayed for drinking Coors light.
Broady downs the last of the beer and hands it back to Rob.
BROADY
Geez, sorry. I haven’t seen you get
this bent out of shape since I took
your stupid holy snuggie.
ROB
You mean the Shroud of Turin? Yeah,
I was a little pissed because it
came back with a stain on it.
BROADY
Sorry dude, I had a face full of
babyback ribs and no napkin.
ROB
Whatever. Just give me back the cup
of Christ.
BROADY
Sorry, dude. I didn’t realize you
were so religious.
Rob stares reverently at the holy chalice for a moment.
ROB
Yeah, I’m not.
(beat)
I’ve got a dinner party in fifteen
minutes and this thing makes the
best Chateau’ Lafite from tap water.
FADE OUT:
Scenes Real and Imagined 
Hey, you should add my silent film blog to your blog list…I kind of think that your readers might be the only people on earth who might actually get what I was trying to do….I’m almost inspired to start reviewing them again.
And on a less self-centered note. I like this blog. Not that I didn’t like Hell Beast; I just enjoyed the variety of these postings.
Who is this Rob fella and how the heck did he get his hands on a VINYL copy of Obscure Indie Rock Band?!?
P.S. I heard they changed their name.