I wrote this little piece for a comedy writing class I took with the IFP. It was a good class and I enjoyed learning from veteran comedian Bill Corbett. I call this SACRED RELIC.
INT. APARTMENT – EVENING
ROB, A young hipster, bustles about his apartment setting out
fancy place settings while the latest track from OBSCURE
INDIE ROCK BAND plays, on vinyl, of course.
He reverently opens a first century wooden box where a
certain goblet-shaped object is conspicuously missing from
its velvet liner.
(cursing to himself)
Rob marches to the neighboring apartment where the sounds of
NFL football blare from the television. Rob raps sharply on
After several moments, a tall, shaggy haired dude holding an
early first century chalice answers the door.
Rob. Hey dude, I’m watching the
game. You wanna come in?
No, Broady. Is that my cup of
Broady checks the goblet innocently.
Uh yeah, I borrowed it. That’s
That’s the original cup used by our
Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ at
the last supper. Not only is it
completely priceless, but it’s one
of the most holy, sacred relics in
Christendom. And you’re drinking
beer from it?
Yeah. It keeps your brew cold,
like, forever man.
Broady takes a swig.
You wanna try some?
No. I do not want to try some.
Broady, I need that back. Right
Sorry dude, I all my dishes were
Well, you can’t just take the cup
our Lord used on the night he was
betrayed for drinking Coors light.
Broady downs the last of the beer and hands it back to Rob.
Geez, sorry. I haven’t seen you get
this bent out of shape since I took
your stupid holy snuggie.
You mean the Shroud of Turin? Yeah,
I was a little pissed because it
came back with a stain on it.
Sorry dude, I had a face full of
babyback ribs and no napkin.
Whatever. Just give me back the cup
Sorry, dude. I didn’t realize you
were so religious.
Rob stares reverently at the holy chalice for a moment.
Yeah, I’m not.
I’ve got a dinner party in fifteen
minutes and this thing makes the
best Chateau’ Lafite from tap water.